6 Awesome Scholarship Essays That Worked

In the case of paying for College, Scholarships are the best financial aid as they grant students no cost money that doesn’t need to be returned. However, let’s face it: the process of completing applications for scholarships, particularly essays, may be overwhelming. 

The essay for scholarships is the most crucial part of your application and must be thought through. This article will go through five examples of scholarship essays and discuss the reasons they worked in order to help you create your own successful essay for scholarships.

The essay will allow your personality and experiences to shine through, allowing you to stand out among other applicants.

The most effective method to get an idea of what the scholarship committees are seeking is to go at examples of scholarship essays from previous winners. Spend some time analyzing the style of writing, take note of the best aspects, and then consider ways you could enhance your writing. In this article, we’ll explain how to dissect the scholarship essay.

Here are six examples of winning scholarship essays that have worked:

  1. Scholarship Success Story by Gabby DeMott

What does a winning scholarship application be like? 

Essay Prompt: Talk about the event, achievement, or event that led to an era of personal growth and a more excellent perception of yourself and others.

“There were only a couple of minutes left, and our attention was riveted to the TV. In the midst of our chairs, grabbing anyone who happened to be right next in front of us, we watched the referee blow his whistle while it was the time that the German players took advantage of their free-kick. The ball was smashed precisely and with skill; it flew high over Swedish players and slid past their goalie before being safely landed at the back of the net of the opponent. The crowd jumped and shouted, a mix of German and English of joy and excitement.

We watched, wholly captivated for the final few minutes of the match as Germany maintained its lead of 2-1 over Sweden. The crowded Germans and Americans alike were cheered and hugged as they moved to the balcony, where we chanted ” 

Deutschland! Deutschland! Deutschland!” for the entire village, country, and world to listen to. Never have I felt at home as an outsider and so proud of a place that isn’t mine at all, which makes me feel like it was a part of something that I didn’t actually belong to.

My German friends didn’t seem to care that we came from different countries. They did not seem to care that we’d only be there in Germany for three days. They welcomed our presence into their home, daily lives, customs, and celebrations. While watching the World Cup game, it was not a matter of whether we were from different countries. We were all cheering for the team we all adored. The feeling of acceptance I experienced in Germany went beyond my living room. I visited Germany for a three-week exchange program with ten fellow students at my high school.

We all resided with hosts and went to Wildermuth University, which was extremely accommodating to a group full of shouting American teenagers. Teachers were friendly and warm, students treated us as normal peers, and the people I spoke to in public spaces were friendly and understanding.

Prior to my arrival in Germany, I was wary of judgment due to my knowledge of the German language (which isn’t nearly as good as German student English) as well as American politics. It was scary to live in a place with a limited understanding of the language and customs, despite everyone being friendly. Some people questioned the other students and me about the American political climate; however, no one blamed us for this. They understood that we were outsiders and that the country we were from was not perfect, but they accepted our differences regardless.

Since my excursion, I’ve been trying to convey this acceptance to the people of my country. For example, I’m employed at a canoe livery, and we have a lot of customers who speak only a little English. My coworkers are cautious around customers who are not English-speaking as they aren’t willing to spend the time to explain their ideas or exercise patience with people who might not be able to understand. If this had happened to me during my time in Germany, my stay would’ve been more difficult; I’d been annoyed.

Now, if someone comes up to me at the livery and asks me a question in English that’s not perfect, I smile and congratulate them. I spend time with them to ensure they understand that they can enjoy themselves and feel welcome. It’s not a big thing; however, I have seen firsthand that it has the potential to have a significant impact at work and around the world.”

Why This Scholarship Essay Example Worked:

  1. It tells a story of realization. In the essay, Gabby puts us in her story’s center of the action from her point of view. She clearly describes where she is in the moment, what she is feeling, and what her intentions were at the moment. She continues describing the commonality between German and American students and introduces others in the essay. LESSON to learn: If you are including other individuals in your essay, begin by introducing them so you can naturally tell your story.
  2. She recalls her earlier anxieties and describes how she has overcome them to become more confident. In the fifth paragraph, Gabby describes how she was afraid of judgment due to her knowledge of the German language as well as American politics. As Gabby gained more experience with her host family as well as her German friends, she realized they were accepting of her, and she was able to relax. LESSON to learn-Sharing a story in a sequential fashion will help you show your personal growth and how your character has transformed for the better.
  3. She takes the challenge and then demonstrates how she’ll put her new knowledge to use. When Gabby realized that her German hosts and family members welcomed her, regardless of concerns, it triggered an awareness for her after she returned to America. Gabby ends the essay by describing how she’s extending the same level of acceptance that she experienced in another country to friends as well as people from her country. She encourages them to be patient to aid them to feel comfortable and be welcoming to them. LESSON to learn-If you are able, consider concluding your essay by presenting a summary of the information you’ve learned and how you intend to use that lesson in your daily life.
  4. Who is a “Good” Doctor? By Joseph Lee

Below is an essay with a high score by Joseph Lee, Rush Medical College, for the Giva Scholarship.

Essay Prompt: Who is (or what defines) an effective doctor?

” Had I asked you that similar question last year, my answer would likely to be very different than the answer I’m giving today. The summer of 2012 was a great time for me. After completing my initial year in medical school, I set off on my final summer vacation with two goals: a basketball competition in Dallas and another in Atlanta. My closest friends and I played in tournaments over the last 10 summers, which was an oath that was formed by the spirit of the game. But, just two weeks prior to the first event, I began to feel quickly and suddenly exhausted. As a child of Korean immigrants, my parents were taught to solely use the hospital for emergencies, which is why I could tell this was a situation. After a few scans, doctors found numerous lung emboli (PE) that resulted from a subclavian deeper vein thrombosis (DVT). I was lying on the bed of an important hospital with an extremely serious condition.

A few months later and I’m lying in a similar position to address the source of the subclavian DVT, the first time I had to remove my ribs. There’s not much to prepare a person physically, mentally, or spiritually for undergoing surgery. My thoughts kept racing throughout the following days. Along with the usual physical pain, isolation, as well as frustration, anxiety, and fear, were just some of the emotions I experienced during the four-day ordeal. The operation went according to the plan due to a highly-skilled doctor and team. However, the qualities that make the doctor “good” went far beyond his capability to perform surgery.

“Wow. I’m glad that you’re getting much better and I am shocked that you endured this” these are the typical reactions that people get when they see the marks that I have made on my upper chest. To be truthful, the last nine months have been a struggle filled with sweat, blood, and tears. However, through it all, I’ve managed to keep my optimism and joy, knowing that I’ve had the valuable experiences of becoming a doctor and recognizing the trust and vulnerability patients offer their doctors. Patients divulge information to doctors about things they could not have shared with anyone else before and, by doing so, put an enormous amount of confidence and responsibility into the hands of a physician. Patients are often unable to comprehend the underlying cause of their symptoms and expect that their doctor will be able to explain to them and their families the reason why they feel this way and then treat them. That’s exactly the thing my surgeon was able to understand: the privilege of being able to provide care to patients as well as the trustworthiness of the relationship between doctor and patient. When I awoke to the attention of my parents’ worried children, the first item they wanted to discuss was the specifics of the procedure, which was patiently and meticulously explained to them by my “good” doctor.

In study after research, patients have expressed dissatisfaction over their treatment by their doctor and treatment, not because of inexperience or poor health outcomes, but rather because their physicians did not display sufficient warmth during the interaction or respond to their questions and concerns. There are a few instances when the patient and their family members have more vulnerability and require compassion than when they are faced with an emergency hospitalization. For some doctors, the patient could be just an additional item on a list; however, the patient is a mother or father, sister or son, or brother. The “good” doctor understood this and would often state, “If I were your son …” in discussing options for treatment and reflecting on the kind of treatment that he would wish for his family members and treating me as such. This kind of ideal is rooted in affection and love towards patients, not as patients within the health system, but as humans striving to create an impact on all the people around them (I).

However, the burden of being a patient with a chronic disease or having a major surgery goes beyond the hospital. It doesn’t matter if creditors are hounding patients with prescriptions that have to be renewed or lifestyle adjustments that need to be implemented for health-related reasons. The experience does not end once patients leave the doors of the hospital. It usually takes only an hour. For instance, one “good” doctor told me that, as an undergraduate, I could submit a request to have the procedure to be covered financially through the institution. This foresight in anticipating financial issues and directing to me the steps that needed to be taken as a relief from the stress that was accumulating.

The “good” doctor understands that just as we are human and we, too. We will also make mistakes, many of which could have dangerous consequences. In the end, it is important that those who practice being a “good” doctor practice humility and integrity and be honest in apologizing for mistakes in the most comprehensive way and sharing all knowledge with patients as is possible. While no one is adamant about avoiding mistakes, they can happen, and how one responds to them is a distinct characteristic of the “good” doctor (II).

Of all the characteristics I was able to describe in the definition of a “good” doctor, there was no focus on skills and expertise. While being able to make the right diagnosis and the appropriate treatment plans are required, the intangibles of compassion, love, and foresight make a doctor “good.” I was taught these lessons in the most authentic way that I could, as a patient of my own, and I will apply these lessons to guide me through every future encounter with patients in my efforts to become a “good” doctor.”

Why This Scholarship Essay Example Worked:

  1. It is a compelling story. The essay instantly draws the reader into the story and immerses readers in the story. We’re interested in knowing the reasons behind Josephus’ notion of what constitutes a good doctor has changed and the reasons why it changed in the first place. Engaging your reader right from the very first paragraph of your essay or even from the first paragraph is an effective method of keeping your reader interested in the story that you’re telling. Your story is written with great care, with a good pace, and just enough information to inspire empathy without creating boredom. (He could have given too much medical or scientific detail!) LESSON to learn-When you are telling an anecdote, think about how you can provide the correct amount to keep it interesting.
  2. It’s a list, but without you even realizing that, it’s an actual list. After the first two paragraphs (which consist of mostly stories), the remaining part of the paper is an outline of the ways in which physicians have to be “good”: they recognize the trust and intimacy that is involved in the relationship between a doctor and a patient (paragraphs 3-4), and they anticipate potential causes of stress for patients (paragraph 5) and demonstrate confidence (paragraph 6.). Joseph could have easily arranged the essay in the simple manner of writing “. There are 3 main things that make a doctor good” and then describing each one. But that would have been a lot more boring! Instead, he cleverly hides the format of the list by wrapping it up in a compelling story. LESSON To learn-Not, all list-type essays should be viewed as lists.
  3. It’s real and relatable. Joseph is able to take a negative personal event, explain the lessons he took from it, and how it helped him improve as a person. Sometimes, essays on singular important events or moments are blown out of proportion and consequently aren’t reliable. This one is believable the way it is: a significant event in his life has altered his perception. LESSON To Learn-Think about which personal stories you want to share and ensure that you feel that the “size” of the story is right.
  4. Life Happens Scholarship by Emily Trader

Here’s an example of an essay that is moving about the loss of a family member written by Emily Trader in the contest for The Life Happens award.

ESSAY PROMPT: How has the loss of parents or guardians affected your financial and emotional life? You should be sure to explain your experience of how losing a parent or guardian affected your college plans and also explain how the absence of sufficient (or even any). Life insurance has affected the financial situation of your family.

“When I was 17 and a half, my dad passed away in his battle against the disease of the heart and kidneys. In the time I was alive, I don’t think I’ll ever forget the moment when I looked at my father’s bright smile in the cold and cruel casket. I’ll never forget his sluggish hands and brokenhearted hands or the fact that his pale lips wouldn’t say a word or even speak to his children. Although that day was definitely the most painful ever in my entire life, I would like to go back to be with him just one more time. Since then, I’ve felt like all my sorrow and longing are in my body, but there is no way to ease the burden. On the 8th of September, 2016, I was without a voice; my trusted friend, my cheerleader, and my closest friend died.

I was unaware at the time I lost a lot more. After my father’s death and his estate were left to us, it included medical and funeral expenses that his insurance could not cover. Since he didn’t have any type of life insurance and the financial burden of his demise was the sole responsibility of my mother and myself. Even though my mom works night shifts as a neonatal nurse, and her commute can be as long as two hours long, she was required to take on additional shifts to help support my family. Although I am employed at least ten hours per week, I am now working between 25 and 35 hours a week. I also am an honors-level student full-time at high school. Although the passing of my father compelled me to acknowledge the importance of spending moments with family members, I still do not visit them frequently due to our hectic schedules. I also let go of my social life and the excitement that every senior in high school ought to experience. Instead of homecoming and football games, I had to cope with sadness and worry that I could not go to college due to my family’s financial problems.

My father was insured with an insurance policy that covered life so that we could not be forced to endure the strain of working to the limit and compromise our physical and mental health to pay for expenses. I wouldn’t have to fret so much about my future education and the utter grief I’ve felt in the past five months. If this traumatic experience has given me any lessons about life, it’s this: the financial planning needed for these scenarios is a must. I’ll never forget the pain and sadness that I’ve felt, and I am now aware that having an insurance policy for life will give your remaining family members a vital lifeline. While no one could ever make you feel prepared for the pain that comes with losing your parent, having life insurance lets you grieve and not be burdened by the stress of financial burden. This is why it’s a vital protection.

I miss and love Dad so much. Thank God that I will be able to see your face again.”

Why This Scholarship Essay Example Worked:

  1.  she responds to the question. It is simple to compose an essay that talks about her sadness or about what her father’s character was and the importance he had to her. However, the essay prompt prompts candidates to think about how the loss affected the student emotionally as well as financially. Emily is a master of this by connecting the financial part (she, as well as her mother, has to work additional hours at work) as well as emotional issues (due to the schedule of work as well as the family being unable to spend quality time with each other). LESSON TO TAKE-Emily also discusses the impact this could have on her plans for College.
  2. She offers (beautiful) information. The opening paragraph immediately draws readers in with the precise description she gives (“his broken and lifeless hands,” “pale lips”). In addition, the details of her family’s paying for this financial load (e.g., her 25-to-35-hour work weeks) make it seem more real than generic. LESSON to learn-Utilize descriptions and details to make things feel more real and emotional.
  3. She knows her audience. The scholarship is provided by Life Happens, an organization founded by seven top insurance providers in order to inform the public on crucial insurance planning issues. It is evident that Emily did her research on the company and knew the importance of writing an essay that speaks about the importance of planning would be well received by the people who read the essay. LESSON to learn-Learn about the institution you are applying to, and then modify your essay to match the mission of your company or organization’s declaration (or the business plan).
  4. Going Merry Scholarship Success Story by Jesus Adrian Arroyo-Ramirez

Jesus Adrian Arroyo-Ramirez penned an essay for a scholarship that was a winner (and video!) that he submitted to Going Merry. He received a record-breaking $40,000 via The Golden Door Scholarship.

Question: What is it that differentiates you from the thousands of DACA students who are applying for our scholarship? Make use of these occasions to reveal something we don’t know simply by reviewing your grades, test results, and transcripts.

“I always knew that I was different from my peers in the way. When I was a kid, I struggled with speaking English, and everyone else was able to do so with very little or no issues. I required extra assistance in the classroom while my peers sailed effortlessly. My friends would board planes and travel across the globe while I stayed at home. When I was 13, my friends began driving while I was unable to drive.

I grew up and asked my mom why I was not able to enjoy the same basic freedoms that everyone else enjoyed. My name is Jesus Adrian Arroyo-Ramirez. I was unlawfully brought into the United States when I was barely six. At the time, I had no idea I was breaking any law and did not know that my existence was set to alter forever. Being raised with an entirely different citizenship status from my peers was the biggest obstacle I faced in my daily life.

When I look back, there’s not one thing I would alter. Being aware that I had to be more dedicated than any other student led me to become the person I am today. I ignited that fire within me, worked hard to the top of my class with an overall 4.0 GPA, was named a Kansas Scholar, and graduated High School with a semester’s worth of college credits. When I graduated in the month of November, things began to make sense for me. I was issued a work permit and social security card thanks to the DACA program. I was finally able to obtain my license, find an internship and, perhaps most importantly, attend College.

I intend to maintain my successes in the classroom and try my best to perform according to my abilities because I know that it can be taken off my shoulders at any point in my current situation. Being a child in my current situation has taught me to never miss a single chance. I have had constant encouragement and support in the past and present, and I am sure that there are others out there cheering me on to achieve my goals. I’m determined to become the first generation of my family to be able to graduate from the American University, and I will create a pathway for my family’s future, so they don’t need to endure the same struggle that I had to. My citizenship isn’t an issue; it’s simply a hurdle that I’ll always be able to overcome when it comes to giving my children the best possible life, as my mother has done for me. .”

Why This Scholarship Essay Example Worked:

  1. He explains how his hardships have helped him become the person he is today. In the first paragraph, Jesus sets the tone for his essay by explaining his struggles in learning English and did not have the same opportunities as his peers. The author explains to his mother why he had a different life, along with his openness about the difficulties of growing up with distinct citizenship from those around him. LESSON To Learn-Share your personal information (as you are at ease) and think about the inclusion of a significant story or conversation that contributes to the story. This could help to create a picture of your first steps or the inspirations you have.
  2. He includes emotional details. While Jesus experienced hardships in his life, however, he was determined and stated that he would never alter anything. It might have taken him a bit longer than the other applicants to be licensed. However, he also did well in school, and pushed himself to finish first at school, then took college classes over and above all that. LESSON to learn-Share your story in detail using thoughts, feelings, and feelings to describe the origins of your story and where you’re at.
  3. He is planning for the near future. Jesus shared his story with us. The next part of his story explains how he hopes to keep his momentum going without letting anything stand out of his way. He continues to state that his citizenship isn’t an issue and is working to ensure an improved life for himself and the future generations of his children. LESSON to learn-Take note of your plan at the conclusion of the essay. Take note of how you’ve developed and how you can use the lessons you’ve learned to help you in the future to benefit your future.

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  1. Why College Is Important to Me by Nicole Kuznetsov

Here’s an example of a straightforward but enthralling and emotional piece on the fad prompt, Why is College significant in your life?

Essay Prompt What are the reasons you would like to attend College? What is important to you?

“As a young person, my life was structured. Coloring books were dotted with lines, the letters were shaped into certain forms, and a system of rules controlled every aspect of board game play in classes. I felt secure in knowing that my future would follow an easy-to-follow plan for elementary, middle, and high school, college, job, retirement for the family, and a “happily ever after” conclusion. When I finished elementary school, I was told that I had finished 25% of my studies. When I graduated from middle school, I was told that I was halfway there, and I’m sure I’ll be told that I’m 75% complete when I put my cap up in the air in June. College was always a part of the percentage as well as the general equation for living. And I have never doubted its significance. I have always believed that it is essential because it’s necessary.

It makes sense to go to College. In addition to helping my parents get secure jobs after they moved to America to offering my brother the opportunity to gain experience working at top financial institutions, college degrees have been a source of pride for my family. However, I wasn’t aware of the real-world implications of the amazing colleges until I was in high school. The decision to apply to the Academy for Math, Science and Engineering was the first time I’d made a conscious decision about my academic career. With the support of my parents and a favorite science teacher who believed in the potential for me to be able to excel in the demanding setting of fellow students, I submitted my application. A few years on, I was able to be confident that they were right.

My class of 26 students has taught me the advantages of a cooperative instead of a competitive one, particularly the effect that camaraderie among my classmates has on the collective learning experience. Every student exhibits an incredible degree of enthusiasm and motivation, making me eager to study, complete projects, and engage in discussions inside and outside the class. I utilized my education to acquire abilities and gain access to opportunities for myself, such as a job at the local hospital. I was confident in my ability to communicate with people, from strangers of my age to professionals in the field. I was thinking more and more intensely than I did before in order to solve personal problems as well as large-scale problems. In truth, I was having fun.

As I reflect on my time at the Academy, I can see how huge of an impact this school had on my perception of education. I didn’t go to school just to cross yet another date off of my schedule and get closer to completing the remaining 25 percent. I went to school to study, question, and test myself. As an incoming senior, I’m ecstatic. I’m grateful for the example of my high school’s curriculum that taught me what education ought to look like and grateful that it left me wanting to know more. I’m going to College in August and have a whole new awareness of its significance of it. It’s important because it’s what I’m hoping for in my future.”

Why This Scholarship Essay Example Worked:

  1. It identifies structure via chronology. The essay is constructed as a chronological timeline. As a young person, I was convinced of that. After that, I applied to that high school (my first academically active decision). High school then changed my life. I’m now a senior, and I’m convinced of this. There are many stories that are best told in sequence; however, the most basic stories usually are simple stories that are structured as scholarship committees appreciate. LESSON to learn-Consider structuring your essay as a timeline, highlighting the important milestones which have brought you to where you are now.
  2. It’s a straightforward story. Although this essay is descriptive in nature, it does not try to impress with excessively floral language or unnecessary SAT words. That’s the beauty of the essay. For example, this section [“College was always incorporated into the percentages and general formula for the rest of my life. It was never in doubt about its importance. I’ve always thought it was vital because she explains her child’s reasoning in a very clearly and effectively written way.
  3. It has (mostly) fantastic topic sentences. Here on Going Merry, I love a good topic sentence. It is a sentence that is placed at the beginning (or the end) of a paragraph that summarizes the entire paragraph. It will help “signpost” the most important sections in your writing. Three out of the paragraphs (1, 3, and 4 ) contain strong and succinct subject sentences. “As a child, my life had structure” provides the context for setting the remainder of the paragraph, which explains the structures and the not-questionable rules. “Going to college makes sense” is a reason why College was a good idea for her parents.
  4. Financial Literacy for Hispanic Women by Rosaisha Ozoria

The first Founder’s Scholarship supported by the New York Women’s Bond Club in memory of Michaela Walsh is awarded to two New York City public high school students who took home an essay contest that asked them to write what they hope for the future for girls and women across the globe. The winners of this scholarship will receive the opportunity to travel with Women’s World Banking to Amman, Jordan, for their biennial gathering of WWB members of the network.

Prompt write what you hope for the future of girls and women around the world.

WINNING ESSAY:

“Twice each week, I travel down to help at the Los Sures Social Services office located next to the senior residents in the area and assist with the pantry for food. Food is distributed to those who live in my community. Many of them are familiar faces. Most of them are Hispanic women, with their children hanging on their hips as grass skirts. They are because of their lifestyle as well as a lack of education. In our Spanish tradition, patriarchy stops women from taking care of themselves enough as they ought. This results in Hispanic women possessing very little or no financial management capabilities. The lack of financial literacy is a huge problem in my community, which is why I would like to give Hispanic women a chance at an improved future with financial education.

While volunteering, I came across an individual who lives in the same house as my Aunt. In a jobless state with two young children and a husband who earned minimum wage in fast-food restaurants and struggled to scrape by each day. Then I thought that I knew a lot of people similar to her. It occurred to me that I could assist. How? I could begin the financial literacy program that teaches Hispanic women how to make and manage money. When a woman becomes financially educated, she will be capable of making sound choices in her professional and personal life, which will help her increase her family’s financial well-being. Additionally, this program can help Hispanic women become more competitive workers even in an economy that is slow to recover like the one we’re currently experiencing.

The 2013 Women’s World Banking Global Meeting in Amman, Jordan, gives me access to a wealth of sources that will assist me in reaching this objective. I’m hoping to meet people to mentor me from the room of accomplished, inspirational people who will provide me with their expertise. In addition, getting to meet successful women from different nations will give me access to fresh ideas and perspectives. If I’m lucky, I may meet people who could help me financially to kick-start my program to improve financial literacy, specifically for Hispanic women. Finally, I’ll share my vision with anyone I encounter in Jordan and will take an infant step that will help Hispanic women break out of poverty.

The world is changing rapidly, particularly in the context of the globalization process. It’s about time Hispanic women can achieve equality in gender. Therefore, it is crucial to ensure that Hispanic women are given more power and understanding of financial matters. The women of my community are no longer marginalized. I’ll be tasked to help them become stronger, more confident, and, most importantly, take charge of their life. I’d like to be active to help them be protected from any unplanned financial situation. This is a huge ambition; however, for me, it’s an opportunity to be a part of making an impact within my community and for my Spanish community.”

Why This Scholarship Essay Example Worked:

  1. It has a clear structure. The first sentence of the introduction introduces what readers will find within your essay. Particularly, the concluding phrase in the opening sentence (” Financial illiteracy is a major issue in my neighborhood, and that is why I hope to give Hispanic women a chance for a better future through financial education”)works as a powerful subject sentence, linking the story and the reason she’s keen to network with the organization that awards scholarships, Women’s World Banking. The final two paragraphs serve a clear, distinct purpose. The last paragraph describes the things she’d use the award for (the excursion to Amman), and the final paragraph discusses the reason why her specific concern is crucial to the wider Hispanic community. LESSON To learn-Clear structure helps the reader understand your message better (especially when they’re reading at the top of your scholarship essay, which is what they most likely will be.) Make sure to include a summary sentence at the start or the end of your initial paragraph and ensure that every subsequent paragraph has an objective that advances your argument or story.
  2. The author’s passion is evident. Rosaisha, who was the scholarship recipient, is clearly enthusiastic about helping herself and her Hispanic group of females. Instead of just affirming this, she illustrates to us why she is so by sharing personal stories from her volunteering activities. LESSON TO TAKE-Show, don’t tell. Make use of personal examples, and do not be scared to express your feelings.
  3. She remains optimistic. Even though Rosaisha writes about what is an issue that is personal and difficult to discuss, she manages to keep the tone encouraging and light. She expresses optimism and a desire to change the world by addressing the essay with an optimistic tone. It’s crucial to ensure your essay isn’t too sad to read. (Essays that discuss personal experiences are not a good idea.) The scholarship is for a program, not therapy!

How could this essay be improved?

Although the essay was an excellent essay, we are aware that it had two weaknesses:

  • The second paragraph lacks some structure. The sentence is somewhat generic, and it’s unclear what she’s thinking and not actually doing. For example, she realized she could enroll in an education program in financial literacy. Did she do this? It’s unclear.
  • The final sentence is rather general. The majority of scholarship committees want to determine what specific steps can be implemented with the award. In this instance, she talks in a lofty way about the goals she wants to achieve but does not elaborate on how she could achieve her objective.

Want More Resources on Writing Your Scholarship Essay?

For more details on how to write an effective application essay for a scholarship, go through our collection of tips for writing a great essay.

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What is the best scholarship essay structure and format?

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